the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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