Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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