just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
