either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
