I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
