Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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