youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
