the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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