I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
