you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
