And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
