Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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