So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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