You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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