my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I smell like Dick and happiness
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
