Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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