My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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