nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
