I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
