Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
