Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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