nut hugger
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
