the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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