at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
