Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
