He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
