New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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