I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
