good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
