The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
