flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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