Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
