Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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