I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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