How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
