Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
