I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
