Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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