called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
