She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
