I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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