i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I want is dick and wine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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