I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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