its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
