If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
