That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
