fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
