i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
