Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
