Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
