dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
