Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
