FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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