if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
