the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
